February 29th, 2012
Lion King reference:
“Hey kid why you look so blue?” – Timon
“I’d say he is more of a goldish brown.” – Pumba
While my skin may be turning a very nice shade of golden brown, I am feeling really blue lately. It the natural emotional cycle of a PCV to go in waves of extreme highs and extreme lows. I’m in a low and not entirely sure how I got here.
One reason is the heat. I think I have SAD (seasonal affective disorder) but because of too much sunlight, rather then the typical not enough. I just need winter, and I need it to come now now (in Swaziland ‘now’ means sometimes in the future, ‘now now’ means at this very moment). We have had a week of extreme heat with no breaks and its tearing me down. Today I had to walk to the High school to teach the Health Club. I was already grumpy and after the 30 min trek I was miserable. I was dripping sweat, I couldn’t see from the sweat in my eyes, my clothes were stuck to me; my legs from the knees down were a shade darker from the combo of sweat and dirt. My hut had been sprayed with indoor pesticide (that I was told it more poisonous then DDT – great) to prevent Malaria and I was having a not so good reaction to it. My nose would not stop running and I felt like I had a mid-winter MN cold, but it’s the middle of summer. I felt so out of control of everything.
Once I got to school Addy and I found a shaded step to rest on in the back out of sight. It seemed like the perfect place until I heard the whack of the punishment stick coming from the library. Seeing the tear stained faces of the students emerge was enough to send me over the emotional edge I was teetering on. I looked at Addy and said “I’m loosing it,” and tried with all the effort I had left to stop the tears from running down my face.
Addy, being the awesome person she is did help me by reading a blog post of a PCV in Ethiopia. I have attached it below and want you all to read it. He expresses what needs to be said. Being a Peace Corps Volunteer is amazing, but it’s also the hardest thing I have ever done, its not all frolicking baby goats and rainbows (but frolicking baby goats are seriously one of the greatest things ever).